I wrote recently about what real intelligence was, and how success bore little relation to our current perception of someone’s cleverness. But that got me thinking: what exactly is the definition of success?
Take a “failed” brilliant mathematician who couldn’t manage his daily finances or relationships. Can we really call that failure? He pursued a field that fascinated him, used his intellectual gifts, and solved mathematical conundrums that had puzzled others. In many ways, this is a success story.
Society’s Definition of Success
What is the meaning of success, really? In today’s capitalist society, we’re taught that success means power, fame and fortune. We look at prominent public figures and admire them for their achievements, but we know little about the hidden failures, the malice, or even the acts of treachery committed along their paths to the top.
The images the media feeds us about consumerism fill our minds with particular definitions of success: buy more, consume more. A happy family is everyone sitting around a table singing “Happy Birthday” and opening gifts with smiles and laughter. These pictures become our mental blueprint for what we think constitutes a successful family or life.
But these glossy images miss the point entirely. They focus on the props rather than the play, the packaging rather than the contents. A family that can afford elaborate birthday parties but lacks genuine conversation at the dinner table isn’t successful - it’s performing success. The real markers of a thriving family have nothing to do with the price tags on the presents.
True family success lies in the quiet moments: a parent who truly listens to understand their child rather than simply waiting for their turn to dispense wisdom, siblings who support each other through difficult times, grandparents whose stories connect generations. It’s found in shared struggles overcome together, in the safety to open up to one another, in laughter that springs from genuine delight rather than camera-ready moments.
The consumerist version of success sells us the illusion that happiness can be purchased, that love can be demonstrated through spending. But the families who weather life’s storms together know better - their strength comes from connection, not consumption.
Different Paths to Success
Is a humanitarian worker who spent her entire life helping people in the harshest places on earth a failure? Is a priest who devotes his life to God, choosing not to marry or have a family like everyone else, a failure? Is a Buddhist monk meditating all day to achieve ascension according to his beliefs just wasting his time completely?
We humans are greedy and want everything without sacrifice. But real life isn’t like that.
I think of Mother Teresa devoting her life to helping others, priests seeking to know God, Buddhist monks pursuing tranquillity and ascension, painters, musicians, or just ordinary mothers giving their children the best care they can. Each represents a different definition of what it means to live successfully.
These people share something vital: they found their purpose and pursued it with authenticity. The humanitarian worker may never accumulate wealth, but she creates ripples of change that touch countless lives. The artist may struggle financially but leaves behind works that move people decades later. The monk may seem to “produce” nothing by society’s standards, yet achieves a peace and wisdom that radiates to those around him.
What makes these paths successful isn’t external recognition or material reward. It’s the alignment between values and action, the willingness to sacrifice conventional markers of success for something deeper. They understand that a life lived with intention and purpose, however humble it may appear to others, carries its own profound worth.
A Personal Example
The way my mother quietly cooked ordinary but delicious meals for her children and grandchildren, week in and week out, was a success story in its own right. My father, by contrast, tried everything he could to make exotic dishes, named them eloquently, and even composed poems at the dinner table. All these gestures were done for self-recognition and acclaim.
Does this make him a successful chef? When I think about it, I see more joy on people’s faces eating my mother’s food than his. Her quiet devotion created something lasting, whilst his performance sought applause.
Success as Journey, Not Destination
Success is doing something with your passion, your heart and mind, even if the outcome isn’t favourable. Success is a journey, not a destination.
This is perhaps the hardest lesson for our achievement-obsessed culture to accept. We’re conditioned to measure success by endpoints: the promotion, the house, the bank balance, the awards on the wall. But these are merely snapshots, moments frozen in time that tell us nothing about the richness of the experience that led there, or what comes after.
A billionaire with all their wealth may live comfortably, but in other aspects of life, family and relationships, they could be complete failures. Their relentless pursuit of financial success may have cost them the very things that make life meaningful. Meanwhile, someone earning a modest wage who nurtures deep friendships, maintains strong family bonds, and finds daily joy in their work has achieved something far more valuable.
The journey approach to success asks different questions: Am I growing? Am I contributing something worthwhile? Am I becoming the person I want to be? These questions don’t have finish lines because the answers keep evolving as we do.
Finding Your Own Definition
Look into your own heart and decide which path you wish to take, because success isn’t what you’ll achieve but who you become through the journey from start to end. Many people don’t have a clear destination, and for them, success is how they treat every moment of life: learning, doing what matters to themselves and those around them.
That’s also a successful journey because, in the end, no matter what destination we all set out for, we’ll all end up in the same place.
